Being part of a neurodivergent family is simultaneously beautiful and exhausting! Given how highly genetically linked things like ADHD and Autism are, neurodivergent people tend to come together! The convergence of neurodivergent traits often requires us to navigate the complexities of managing competing sensory needs in our homes. Balancing these diverse sensory preferences can be a demanding task. In this blog post, I will share some practical tips and strategies for effectively managing the competing sensory needs of neurodivergent families.

Tips for Managing Clashing Sensory Needs for Autism and ADHD

So, how can we create more sensory balance in partnerships and families with diverse sensory needs? Here are key steps to guide us, which we will unpack:

1️⃣ Understand everyone's sensory profile – Uncover the array of sensory preferences that make each family member unique.

2️⃣ Identify common sensory clashes – Pinpoint the situations or activities where our different sensory needs collide, revealing the areas that require attention.

3️⃣ Foster open communication about sensory needs – Create a safe and supportive space where family members can openly discuss their sensory experiences.

4️⃣ Encourage collaborative problem-solving – Engage in shared decision-making to find practical ways to meet each person's sensory needs.

5️⃣ Normalize sensory clashes – Remember that clashes are a natural part of living in a sensory-diverse family, promoting empathy and understanding.

6️⃣ Utilize resources strategically – Explore and employ tools and techniques that can minimize sensory clashes and promote a more harmonious environment.

Identify Everyone’s Sensory Profile

In the colorful tapestry of family life, understanding everyone's sensory profile is an essential step toward fostering harmony. Each family member possesses a distinct array of sensory preferences that shape their experiences and interactions with the world. By delving into these nuances and mapping out each family member's sensory profile, we gain insight into what makes our loved ones tick. From sensitivities to certain textures, sounds, or lights, to preferences for movement or calmness, uncovering these sensory profiles allows us to tailor our environment and interactions to meet each person’s needs.

Gaining awareness of each family member's sensory-seeking tendencies or sensory avoidance, along with their specific sensory preferences, empowers us to forge a nurturing environment where everyone experiences a sense of understanding, acceptance, and support. This insight lays the foundation for fostering a more harmonious family dynamic, as we can tailor the sensory landscape to cater to each person’s sensory needs and create a space that honors their sensory journey.

Identify Common Sensory Clashes

To navigate the terrain of sensory diversity within our families, it is crucial to identify the common sensory clashes that arise. By pinpointing the specific situations or activities where our diverse sensory needs collide, we gain a deeper understanding of the areas that require our attention and intervention. Whether it's the bustling energy of a family gathering, the sensory overload of certain environments, or the clash of sensory input during shared experiences, recognizing these points of conflict allows us to address them proactively. Armed with this knowledge, we can intentionally create a more inclusive and accommodating environment, fostering greater harmony and understanding among family members.

Here are a few examples of common sensory clashes that can arise:

• Movement and Auditory Sensitivities: One family member may need to move their body to regulate, while another may have auditory sensitivities. Engaging in activities like watching a family movie can lead to sensory clashes, as the need for movement may conflict with the need for a quieter environment.

• Smell and Taste Sensitivities: Some family members may be sensitive to certain smells or tastes, while others may have a preference for stronger flavors or aromas. When preparing meals or using scented products in the home, finding a compromise that respects each person’s sensory preferences can be challenging.

• Proprioception Differences: When you have a proprioception seeker who craves wrestling, rough-housing, and physical touch, and they have a sibling who is a proprioceptive avoider, it can become a recipe for intense sensory conflict!

When we lack a sensory lens to understand clashing sensory needs, assigning character statements to these differences is common. For instance, one child may be labeled as "too sensitive," while a sibling may be accused of being “obnoxious.” However, it's important to recognize that it's not about individuals intentionally exhibiting certain behaviors but rather that their sensory needs are conflicting. By framing it as clashing needs, we can focus on identifying the underlying needs and use neutral language that reduces shame and fosters understanding.

Foster Open Communication About Sensory Needs

Creating a safe and supportive space where family members can openly discuss their sensory experiences is essential for cultivating understanding and empathy within the family unit. Encouraging open communication allows everyone to express their sensory perspectives, challenges and needs without judgment.

In this nurturing environment, family members can share how certain sensory stimuli impact their well-being, whether it's the way they process sounds, textures, lights, or the need for specific types of movement. Listening and validating each other's experiences helps foster a sense of belonging and acceptance.

By openly discussing sensory needs, family members gain valuable insights into one another's perspectives, fostering empathy and strengthening familial bonds. It enables them to recognize and appreciate the diversity of sensory experiences within the family, leading to a more inclusive and understanding atmosphere.

To facilitate this open communication, it is important to create regular discussion opportunities, such as family meetings or designated check-in times. Providing a safe and non-judgmental space for everyone to express their sensory needs fosters a collaborative atmosphere where problem-solving and compromise can thrive.

The goal is to create an environment where every family member feels heard, respected, and supported in their sensory journey. Open communication lays the foundation for cultivating empathy, resolving conflicts, and collaboratively working together toward solutions that meet the sensory needs of all family members.

Encourage Collaborative Problem-Solving

In our family, collaborative problem-solving is a regular practice as we openly discuss our "competing sensory needs." This approach allows us to externalize the situation and recognize that it's not about placing blame but acknowledging the inherent conflicts that arise due to our diverse sensory experiences.

By embracing this mindset, we can engage in productive problem-solving and brainstorming sessions together. For example, during a family movie night, I might initiate a conversation by addressing the situation:

"It seems like Mark's need for movement is affecting your ability to focus, Grace. What ideas do you both have to address this situation?"

It's important to adapt the language and level of guidance based on your children's age and developmental stage. Younger children may require simpler language and more direct guidance in generating potential solutions.

Creating a safe and non-judgmental space where everyone's input is valued is crucial for fostering a collaborative approach to finding solutions that work for everyone in the family. By encouraging active participation and considering each family member's perspective, we can co-create strategies that honor and meet the diverse sensory needs of all involved. This collaborative problem-solving approach strengthens communication, cultivates a sense of ownership, and empowers every family member to contribute to a more harmonious and inclusive family environment.

Normalize Sensory Clashes

Anticipate and acknowledge that conflicts will arise when dealing with different sensory profiles within the family. It's important to recognize that these conflicts are a natural outcome of having diverse sensory needs, and they do not indicate a dysfunctional relationship or an unhealthy family dynamic. Instead, they provide opportunities for growth, learning, and the development of essential skills such as honoring different needs, problem-solving, and conflict resolution.

Embrace these moments as chances to model effective communication, empathy, and understanding. By approaching conflicts with a mindset of curiosity and collaboration, you can foster a supportive and harmonious environment that values the unique sensory needs of each family member.

Gather Sensory Resources

Take a proactive approach by gathering resources that can aid in minimizing conflicts arising from clashing sensory needs. For instance, in our family, purchasing a wobble disc and sensory swing proved helpful during movie time, as it allowed our child to need movement to engage their body without disrupting others' focus.

Additionally, I've curated a list of some of my favorite sensory items that have been helpful in our household. You can find the list here.

My Favorite Sensory Resources

• Personally, I love a hot shower or using a TENS unit when overloaded!

• Having a wobble disc, sensory swing, and climbing wall hooks for my ADHD child has been a lifesaver.

• Loops are helpful for the sensory avoiders in our family

• Weighted blankets when we’re watching movies (this is my current favorite weighted blanket; you can get $15 off with code Dr_Neff)

• This shape-shifting cube keeps hands and eyes busy with minimal noise

Exploring these resources and more can provide additional ideas and options for supporting sensory needs within your family. Finding the right tools and accommodations can help create a more balanced and understanding environment where everyone's sensory needs are acknowledged and respected.

Conclusion

In conclusion, navigating clashing sensory needs within a neurodivergent household requires proactive steps and open communication. By acknowledging and understanding the diverse sensory needs present in the family, we can create an environment that fosters understanding, respect, and harmony. By:

1️⃣ Understanding everyone's sensory profile

2️⃣ Identify common sensory clashes

3️⃣ Fostering open communication about sensory needs

4️⃣ Encouraging collaborative problem-solving

5️⃣ Normalizing sensory clashes

6️⃣ Utilizing resources strategically

These steps help foster a supportive and enjoyable family dynamic. With intentional effort and communication, we can minimize sensory meltdowns, enhance family connections, and create a space where everyone's sensory well-being is considered. By working together and embracing our diverse sensory profiles, we can create a nurturing and inclusive environment for all members of our neurodivergent family.

Take a proactive approach by gathering resources that can aid in minimizing conflicts arising from clashing sensory needs. For instance, in our family, purchasing a wobble disc and sensory swing proved helpful during movie time, as it allowed our child to need movement to engage their body without disrupting others' focus.

Additionally, I've curated a list of some of my favorite sensory items that have been helpful in our household. You can find the list here.