Fresh Starts and New Year’s Resolutions: A Values-Based Approach to Fresh Starts
Neurodivergent Notes: New Year Reflections Series, Part One. Neurodivergent Notes is a Sunday Newsletter / Essay I send out to readers each Sunday. These essays tend to be more reflective, personal as I chew on current events, psychology and neurodivergence. To sign up for Neurodivergent Notes you can subscribe here.
As we head into the new year, many of us are drawn to the promise of a fresh start. If you’re anything like me, the concept of New Year’s resolutions might stir up mixed feelings — hope, frustration, or maybe even a quiet eye roll at the memory of resolutions past.
Some of my past resolutions have looked like this:
Quit sugar.
Exercise every day.
Eat healthier.
Stop being a workaholic.
Lose weight.
Stop drinking alcohol.
(You get the idea — you’ve probably been here too.)
I’d usually start strong, sticking to my resolutions for a little while. But inevitably, I’d “slip up.” And when that happened, it felt like the whole year was “ruined,” so I’d throw in the towel and fall right back into my old ways.
Over time, I’ve come to reframe how I approach the new year and redeem my relationship with resolutions. Like most things in my life, I need to understand the “why” before I can fully get onboard. For me, this has meant exploring why we’re so drawn to fresh starts and reshaping how I think about intentions, goals, and values.
Why Are We So Drawn to New Year’s Resolutions?
Resolutions tap into what’s called the fresh start effect, a concept explored by behavioral scientists Hengchen Dai, Katherine Milkman, and Jason Riis. They found that temporal landmarks — like the start of a new year, a birthday, or even a new week — boost motivation and goal-setting. This is likely why Google searches for terms like “diet” and “gym visits” spike dramatically at the start of a new year.
Temporal landmarks give us a sense of psychological separation from our “old self,” which can boost self-efficacy and motivation. They create a natural “before” and “after” that feels like a clean slate, making it easier to imagine ourselves stepping into a better version of who we want to be.
What Is It About Fresh Starts?
A Sense of Separation: Temporal landmarks give us a “before and after” frame, making it easier to see ourselves as new and improved. For those of us prone to all-or-nothing thinking, this can feel particularly appealing.
Increased Self-Efficacy: These landmarks boost our belief that we’re capable of change, sparking a surge of motivation.
Motivational Energy: The idea of a clean slate creates a psychological sense of renewal, making change feel more accessible.
While the fresh start effect can be a powerful motivator, it can also be a double-edged sword — particularly for neurodivergent people.
Neurodivergent Challenges with Fresh Starts
The fresh start effect resonates deeply with me, but my neurodivergent tendencies — perfectionism, all-or-nothing thinking, and obsessive tendencies — have often turned it into a double-edged sword.
All-or-Nothing Thinking: Fresh starts give me a sense of release from past mistakes, but as soon as I “slip up,” my brain convinces me the thing (be it a goal, the job, or a relationship) is “ruined.” I think, “I’ll just wait for the next fresh start.” This mindset doesn’t just show up in resolutions but also in relationships. If I feel like I’ve “failed” a friend, I retreat into shame rather than persist, convinced the relationship is irreparably broken and that it’s best to wait for the next friendship where I’ll somehow be mistake-free.
Slip and Abandon Cycles: If I eat a single cookie while trying to stick to a sugar-free goal, my brain immediately writes off the entire day as a failure. I binge on leftover Halloween candy and vow to “start fresh tomorrow.” This cycle of abandoning goals at the first slip leaves me swinging between extremes, making it hard to build sustainable progress.
Overloaded Aspirations: My obsessive tendencies often drive me to set ambitious, rigid resolutions. But when those lofty goals inevitably crumble, they leave me in a familiar place: shame and disempowerment. Instead of fostering self-efficacy, the weight of “failing” makes me feel further away from the person I want to be.
The fresh start effect resonates deeply with me, but I'm learning to make peace with the messy middle — embracing my imperfections, persisting through setbacks, and finding balance instead of chasing perfection.
How I’m Doing Things Differently
Over the past few years, I’ve shifted how I approach the new year. Instead of clinging to lofty resolutions, I focus on setting intentions and channel my energy into designing an environment that supports the person I want to become, rather than relying solely on willpower. It’s still very much a work in progress, but here’s where my energy is going:
1. Reflecting on Values and Intentions
Rather than chasing specific outcomes, I’ve started grounding myself in my values. For me, values act as a compass, informing me of the direction I want to be moving toward. For example:
Instead of deciding I’ll exercise every single day, I reflect on my value of health and ask how I can move toward it in sustainable, realistic ways.
Rather than vowing to quit sugar completely (which I’ve tried many times), I think about how to balance indulgence and nourishment in a way that feels aligned with my value.
Focusing on values gives me flexibility. Instead of clinging to rigid rules or specific destinations, I can anchor into the overall direction I’m moving. This shift has made the process feel more forgiving, more sustainable, and — most importantly — more human.
2. Moving “Toward” My Values
This idea of “moving toward” values comes from ACT therapy and has been a game-changer for me. Instead of asking myself, “Did I succeed or fail?” I now ask, “Is this choice moving me toward or away from what I value?”
For example, when I focus on my value of connection, I might move toward that by setting aside my phone during family dinners — even if I don’t manage it perfectly every time. When I focus on creativity, it might look like carving out 15 minutes to sketch, even on days when I’m tired.
This framework helps me quiet my all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of expecting perfection, I now ask: Am I moving in the direction I want? This shift feels kinder and more sustainable — especially on the hard days. And surprisingly, this gentler approach has strengthened my motivation and persistence over time.
3. Engineering My Environment
As a psychologist, I know that success isn’t just about willpower or beliefs (I know vegetables are good for me, but that doesn’t magically make me eat them!). There’s a science to these things. It’s about creating an environment that supports the things we want to prioritize which makes it harder to fall into patterns that don’t align with our values.
Last January, I wrote a workbook on habit formation as a way to deepen my understanding of how to engineer change — an area I’m still actively learning and experimenting with (like much of my writing, it stems from the things I’m personally working through!).
Just like companies design frictionless experiences to keep us scrolling, snacking, or streaming, I’m experimenting with ways to design my own environment — one that gently nudges me toward activities and routines that are more aligned with my values and intentions.
4. Practicing “Living in the Gray”
Perfectionism still tries to convince me that a single slip-up means everything is “ruined,” but I’m working on sitting with the discomfort of imperfection. Living in the gray, for me, means working to let go of rigid ideals and making space for messy, imperfect progress. It’s not always easy — my all-or-nothing brain protests — but I’m learning to sit with the tension that stirs.
Looking Ahead
This year, I’m planning to use January as a time to reflect on my values, set intentions, and experiment with small changes that nudge me toward the person I want to be. As someone who has historically wrestled with resolutions, I’m excited to approach this process with more curiosity and gentleness. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing more about:
Expanding on the moving toward/away framework and how it can guide our choices.
How I’m working to create values-aligned goals that build self-efficacy (without feeding my perfectionism).
The neuroscience of habits and associations — and how I’m learning to engineer my environment to support the things that matter most.
If you’re setting resolutions, reflecting on values, or simply seeking a fresh start, I hope this series offers clarity, inspiration, and permission to embrace this season in your own way — whether through bold goals, quiet moments of self-reflection, or self-compassion for the resolutions scattered along the path of years past.
As we head into 2025, many of us are thinking about fresh starts, intentions, and creating space for what matters. If that’s where you are, some of our wellness workbooks may be supportive in your process. From our Sleep Workbook, to Overexcitabilities Self-Care Framework, to Habits Workbook, we have some resources that may help support you in your process.
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References
Dai, H., Milkman, K. L., & Riis, J. (2014). The fresh start effect: Temporal landmarks motivate aspirational behavior. Management Science, 60(10), 2563–2582. https://doi.org/10.1287/mnsc.2014.1901
Wellman, J. (2024, December). Fresh starts: The psychology behind New Year motivation. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/4000-mondays/202412/fresh-starts-the-psychology-behind-new-year-motivation
