The Window of Tolerance: How to Better Handle Stress
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Do you struggle with anxiety or depression? Do you constantly feel disconnected, lethargic, and fatigued? Or alternatively, do you frequently feel anxious, hyperaroused, and frazzled? It is difficult for you to stay engaged and present throughout the day? If so, you may have a small window of tolerance that’s preventing you from showing up fully in your life.
As a clinician and specialist in neurodivergence, I’ve found that understanding and working with the window of tolerance is an effective way to heal and grow our capacity for stress. In my practice, I have seen how understanding our window of tolerance and learning to work with it can help a person become more grounded and regulated.
Many neurodivergent people go through their day-to-day with a very small window of tolerance. Unfortunately, it’s the norm for neurodivergent people. However, by understanding it and working with it, we can change, heal, and grow.
Although this article will give you lots of important information about nervous system regulation, there’s so much more to explore. If you’d like to learn more, you can get my Nervous System Workbook. In this workbook, you’ll get more information about the nervous system as well as more resources to help you out on your healing journey.
What is the Window of Tolerance?
The window of tolerance is a nervous system state that allows us to be present, adaptable, and engaged. When we are operating in our window of tolerance, we are able to respond efficiently to stressors and changes that happen in our day-to-day lives. In this state, our sympathetic nervous system (the part of our nervous system that’s responsible for our fight or flight response) and our parasympathetic nervous system (the part of our nervous system responsible for our rest and digest response) work together in harmony to allow us to seamlessly adapt to our environment. The larger the window of tolerance, the more we can take on and handle it with grace. This is also called being in a regulated nervous system state.
The Vagus Nerve & Vagal Tone
If the sympathetic nervous system is like the gas pedal in a car and the parasympathetic nervous system is like the brakes, then the vagus nerve is the driver. The vagus nerve is a cranial nerve that directs most of our automatic bodily processes. These include our heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure, digestion, reproduction systems, and more.
Because it belongs to the parasympathetic nervous system, it controls the parasympathetic nervous system by activating and the sympathetic nervous system by deactivating. When activated, our heart rate and breathing rate slow down, our blood pressure decreases, our digestion kicks up, we become relaxed, and more. When deactivated, the opposite happens: our heart rate, breathing rate, and blood pressure increase, digestion slows, energy increases, and more.
Like a good driver, a person with high vagal tone can skillfully use both the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems to easily adapt to our daily challenges. The higher the vagal tone, the more challenges the vagus nerve can take on while allowing us to stay present and recover quickly from stress. In other words, the higher the vagal tone, the larger the window of tolerance.
If you’d like to learn more about the vagus nerve and the autonomic nervous system, check out my in-depth article on the neurodivergent nervous system.
The Ideal Level of Arousal
As we go throughout our day, there will be times when our sympathetic nervous system is more active than the parasympathetic, and there will be other times the opposite will be true. Just like when you’re driving a car, using the gas or the break more at different times is a normal and necessary part of driving. Sometimes, we need our sympathetic nervous system to be more active (like when we’re working out), and there are other times when our parasympathetic nervous system needs to be more active (when we’re getting ready to go to sleep at night). Regardless of these changes, if we’re present, grounded, and engaged, we are still operating within our window of tolerance.
The Window of Tolerance
The window of tolerance is the zone where intense emotions and stress can be adapted to and processed in healthy ways. When in this window of tolerance, you can react to stress, anxiety, and intense emotions effectively. When you have a large window of tolerance, it means you have a great deal of capacity to deal with stress which allows you to respond to the demands and stress of everyday life without too much strain.
When we are present, calm, grounded, and engaged, we are in our window of tolerance. The window of tolerance is a nervous system state where both our sympathetic nervous system and our parasympathetic nervous system work together in harmony. When we are within our window of tolerance, these two branches of our nervous system work together seamlessly like the gas and brake pedal in a car. They operate in synchrony to create a smooth driving experience.
However, if we are faced with more stress than we can handle within this window, we exit the window of tolerance, becoming dysregulated and entering a stressed body state. When we are dysregulated, we can become either sympathetic dominant (hyperarousal) or parasympathetic dominant (hypoarousal). Let’s get into what that looks like.
Hyperarousal
Hyperarousal is a sympathetic-dominant state. When we are stuck in this sympathetic mode, it means that our fight-or-flight response is activated and we become mobilized for action. Our bodies are putting the pedal to the metal, so to speak. In this state, we can become anxious, aggressive, hyper-vigilant, impulsive, or overly fearful. Physiologically, this state is marked by increased heart rate, fast and shallow breathing, high blood pressure, slow digestion, and spiked stress hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol. If we are operating from a state of hyperarousal, we may become argumentative, defensive, panicky, impulsive, and more.
Hypoarousal
If hyperarousal is the sympathetic-dominant state, then hypoarousal is the parasympathetic-dominant state. Sometimes, when we’re faced with too much overwhelm, our bodies respond by shutting down and numbing out. In this state, the dorsal vagus nerve takes over. When this happens, it forces us to step on the brakes, even if it’s not smart or safe to. When we are hypoaroused, we can feel depressed, fatigued, foggy, numb, and dissociated. Physiologically, the dorsal vagus nerve may create a slow and irregular heart rate, slow but shallow breathing, and either really fast or really slow digestion. When we’re operating from this place, we can have a hard time making decisions or staying focused; we can feel too tired to do the things we need to do and unable to engage socially.
What Can Affect the Window of Tolerance
Remember, the larger the window of tolerance, the more we can take on without becoming hyper or hypoaroused. That means the smaller the window of tolerance, the easier it is for us to become dysregulated. Everyone’s nervous system is different and has different capacities for different kinds of stress. Although there is some natural variation between individuals, there are some major factors that can shrink the size of our windows.
For many people, trauma plays a huge part in decreasing the size of our window of tolerance. People who grew up in traumatic homes where they were constantly bombarded with trauma often do not have the opportunity to develop a window of tolerance (staying in a stressed state prepared for action or dulled out to experience less of it is protective when your environment is chronically traumatizing).
(Note: If you want to learn more about trauma and the nervous system, I recommend The Body Keeps the Score and Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation) (Bonus, both books are available through audible for auditory learners-use this link to get two free audiobooks with your premium audible trial).
Another major factor in determining the size of this window is neurodivergence. Neurodivergent people, such as people with OCD, ADHD, or Autism, often have a more narrow window of tolerance. This is likely due to a combination of factors: our vulnerable neurology and sensory systems, increased rates of victimization and negative life experiences, and more.
The Window of Tolerance and Neurodivergence
People with Autism and ADHD have more rigid nervous systems than neurotypical people. A more rigid nervous system means less flexibility, a smaller window or tolerance, and low vagal tone. This rigidity makes it easier for us to become dysregulated, flipping the switch on hyperarousal, hypoarousal, or both. It also means that it’s more difficult for us to enter back into our window of tolerance, usually taking more effort, support, and time. Because of our rigid nervous systems, we also tend to have a heightened stress response. This means that our bodies release more cortisol and adrenaline (the stress hormones) than neurotypical people and have higher rates of HPA stress-axis activation. All of this adds up to a smaller window of tolerance and lower vagal tone.
Understanding your Window of Tolerance
The best way to get to know your nervous system is by continuously checking in and observing it (sometimes referred to as nervous system mapping). One way to do this is to create regular time, maybe once or twice per day, and take a moment to take a breath, do a quick body scan, and note what state your body is in.
For instance, by doing a quick body scan, I often find that my breathing rate is slow and shallow, I’m feeling fatigued, and my mind is foggy and distracted. When I do my check-ins and discover symptoms like these, I can determine that my body is in a state of hypoarousal. In another situation, I could notice my heart racing, my shoulders clenched up to my ears, and that I’m really jumpy. In these cases, I can see that my body is hyperaroused. And lastly, if I do my check-in and I can feel my feet on the ground, my breath is deep and steady, and I’m feeling present and relaxed, then I know I’m in my window of tolerance.
By doing these check-ins consistently, we get to witness patterns over time. For me, when my body becomes dysregulated, I have a tendency to become hypoaroused and I may opt to engage in activities that up-regulate my nervous system (walking, movement, listening to energizing music). Understanding and mindfully tracking these patterns is an important first step in learning to increase our windows of tolerance.
Another way you can begin to understand your window of tolerance is by tracking your heart-rate variability (HRV). HRV is the best quantitative measurement of our vagal tone and window of tolerance. The more adaptable we are, the better our hearts are able to adapt to changes in our environment. Therefore, the higher our HRV, the larger our window of tolerance. The best way to track HRV is by using a device such as a Apple Watch or a Fitbit. These tools will calculate your HRV for you. To learn more about heart-rate variability (what it is and why it’s important, you can read my article about it over here).
Increasing your Window of Tolerance
There are a variety of tools and techniques you can use to begin to expand your window of tolerance. The first and most important step is to get to know your nervous system by checking in and consistently observing it over time. Then, you can begin to add in exercises that will help you to up-regulate or down-regulate your nervous system. That way, you will better be able to meet your body’s needs, whatever they are, moment to moment. Plus, when you’re in the habit of continuously checking in, you’ll be able to observe changes in your nervous system once you begin these exercises.
When introducing new habits and practices, it’s important to go slow. Too much change too fast is a sure way to cause more overwhelm. I recommend trying one or two exercises consistently for a month before adding anything new.
Breathwork
Slow, deep breathing activates the vagus nerve and, therefore, the parasympathetic nervous system. It helps to ease anxiety, re-focus the mind, and ground the body. Likewise, fast-shallow breathing activates the sympathetic nervous system and creates activation when the body is stuck in an immobilized state.
Cold Exposure
Studies have shown that cold exposure increases vagal activity and HRV, as well as decreasing sympathetic responses. Cold exposure can look like adding 30 seconds of cold water to the end of a shower, dipping your face in a bowl of ice water, or putting ice on the back of your neck. Cold exposure to the neck has been shown to be particularly effective.
Exercise & Movement
Exercise has been shown to increase HRV by stimulating and toning the vagus nerve. Vigorous movement (like taking long walks or going for runs), weightlifting, and somatic movement are all great options for increasing vagal tone. Weight lifting has the added benefit of putting deep pressure on the joints, which many neurodivergent people find relaxing. Somatic movement is especially useful for healing trauma and relaxing the body in a mindful way. Dr. Sam Zoranovich is a queer and neurodivergent-affirming chiropractor and has many great resources for neurodivergent-friendly somatic movement exercises.
Mindfulness & Meditation
Contemplative practices have been shown to have many benefits to mental health. Not only is meditation linked to decreased brain inflammation, better memory, and increased ability to learn new information, but it is also linked to increased HRV and vagal tone. Specifically, mindfulness has the ability to activate the vagus nerve, especially when there is breathwork involved.
Probiotics & Omega-3s
Like how the vagus nerve is connected to organs like the heart, it is also deeply interconnected with the gut. It is, after all, responsible for digestion. Therefore, when the gut is stressed, so is the vagus nerve. By taking care of our gut with probiotics and omega-3s, we can, in turn, take care of our nervous system.
Laughter
Laughter really is the best medicine! Studies have shown that laughter stimulates the vagus nerve by inducing diaphragmatic breathing. Only about ten minutes of laughter per day is shown to have many health benefits. Try adding more comedy in your life or some intentional laughter meditation!
Humming, Chanting, & Signing
Humming, chanting, and singing are very powerful ways of activating the vagus nerve. One study even showed that chanting “om” can deactivate the limbic center of the brain, which is responsible for threat and emotion. The vagus nerve is interconnected with our vocal cords and the muscles at the back of the throat. Therefore, using your vocal cords in mindful ways directly activates this nerve.
Massage
Massage is another great way to increase vagal tone. Mindful human-to-human contact both stimulates the vagus nerve and increases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Although you can get this kind of massage from someone else, there are also ways to give yourself simple massages. This video by Sukie Baker is an excellent example.
Havening
Havening is a form of self-soothing by creating safety through comforting, therapeutic touch. The idea is that soothing touch boosts the production of serotonin, which has a soothing effect. Specific motions include cupping your hands on your cheeks, holding a hand across your chest, or crossing your arms (as if giving yourself a hug) while striking your shoulders and upper arms. This creates a sense of safety and well-being through your touch.
Relaxation Exercises
Relaxation exercises directly target the vagus nerve to calm the body out of dysregulation. We can use them before bed, to ground ourselves in the morning, to recover from stressful events. These exercises can include a variety of breathing techniques, progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), and meditations.
Summary: The Window of Tolerance
When we are operating within our window of tolerance, we are able to face our day with clarity, grounding, and engagement. The bigger our window of tolerance, the more stress, change, and challenge we can take on while staying in a present state of being. However, when we are faced with more than we can handle, we become dysregulated and can become either hyperaroused or hypoaroused. This means that either our sympathetic nervous system or our parasympathetic nervous system will take over to protect us and get us through the stress, even if that means behaving in ways that may not be beneficial for us.
There are some natural differences in our baseline windows—including neurodivergence—but there are ways we can learn to understand and expand this window, so it’s easier for us to stay present. By observing our own nervous systems and engaging in regulating exercises, we can build capacity for stress and change over time.
If this topic interests you and you want to learn more about the nervous system and ways to become more regulated, check out my Nervous System Workbook. In this workbook, you’ll get a ton more resources for helping you understand your nervous system and expand your window of tolerance.
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